I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My balls are so social today.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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