Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
