Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And then he peed in my hair
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