just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
