ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize