Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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