She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
