it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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