worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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