Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize