I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
