i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
