Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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