u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
