is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
