omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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