He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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