You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
