come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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