Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
