Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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