I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
