Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
