New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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