Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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