I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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