do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
