do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
