PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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