please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
