He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
