Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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