if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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