Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
