I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
