Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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