R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
