he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
