I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
