take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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