I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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