i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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