I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
