if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
smell my finger.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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