Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
