I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
