I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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