Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
