Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
