I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
