A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
