Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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