Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
