Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize