I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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