I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
