Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How does one acquire holy water?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
