stop calling my apartment porn island.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
