How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I deserve this hangover.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
