Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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