Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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