In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
