This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Still dying that you shit outside
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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