Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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