i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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