If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
