if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were trust falling into bushes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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