we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
