I think I won the penis lottery.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
