Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
