Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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