Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
