Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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