I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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