Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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