Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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