You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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