she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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